4 The Fault in Our Stars; or, The Most Beautiful Book I Have Ever Read

This is not a book review. This is the story of the most beautiful book I have ever read.

In June, I hurriedly pre-ordered my copy of John Green's new book. I watched him live on YouTube multiple times, signing pages, reading the first chapter (I don't know how many times I heard the chapter before I actually read it).

Months passed. I knew it was coming, but the anticipation hardly waned. I continued to watch John (live and not), to read his tweets, to smile at the nerdfighters of tumblr. Finally, January came, and it was only a matter of days. In less than two weeks, the bright blue book with the little yellow "signed copy" sticker would be mine. On January 9, Amazon sent my shipping confirmation, and although I knew the estimated arrival was sometime between the 13 and 17, all I could hope was that it would arrive sooner.

Wednesday, I woke up late like I had the rest of the week so far. I just kept thinking, "I hope it comes today. I hope it comes." I watched some Dr. Phil. I looked up my numerology numbers. 4:30pm, I started boiling a pot of water for dinner, and a few minutes later Dan came home.

The box. The small, tell-tale Amazon box was in his hands, buried under a book for school that had come (also mine), and some other nondescript postal item. I stared, waiting for him to give me my damn book. I was not forceful. I did not tear the box open. I had waited those months, I could wait a few seconds more. I gently, but quickly, pulled the "open here" tab, unfolded the flap, and a small gasp left my lips - that bright blue book.

The water wasn't boiling yet, so I allowed myself some time to take a few webcam pictures of myself with my new favorite thing in the world and text pictures to Kat and my mom.

Somehow I didn't end up starting it until late that night - or, technically, early, early Thursday morning, around about 1am. I did not stop until 3:30, and only then because my eyes were too tired to stay open much longer in any way that would make reading fully enjoyable. But in those first few hours, the first hundred pages, I cried twice, taking a break only once to make myself a comforting mug of hot cocoa.

I slept about six and a half to seven hours, regaining strength in a few ways before waking up, ignoring all else, and continuing to read.
And read.
And read.
(And cry, in all the best ways.)

The book was everything I could ever hope for - enlightening, inspiring, thoughtful, beautifully written. So bittersweet and heart wrenching. So perceptive. So full of humanity and truth.

I am not going to give spoilers, or even tell you what it's about. I'm not even going to tell you to read it - that is ultimately up to you to decide. But I strongly believe that without this book, there would be something missing from the world, from my world.

Related posts:

• Book review: Will Grayson, Will Grayson
• Friday I'm in Love: John Green